bræður
iceland 2016
“The trip was to be an odyssey in the fullest sense of the word, an epic journey that would change everything.”
These are the things we carry with us, the things that we let define us. Our memories, our experiences, our beliefs, our scars, our truth; the things that hurt us, the things that makes us feel good, the things that makes us happy, the things that makes us feel loved, the things we leave behind, the things we expect to see in the future. But what rocks our world, what makes it turn upside down, is when we let these things go. What’s hard is to realize when we are no longer who we’re supposed to be, what we’re supposed to be, and where we’re supposed to be.
We are then faced with this challenge: to find ourselves back at a point, not necessarily of familiarity or comfort, but back on track. It may be at that point where things still seem very difficult, but there’s beauty in that kind of hurt and we have to realize that. There’s something poetic there; we may go through very tragic and painful moments but in the end, as we dream and as we hope, there is happiness. With this kind of hope for that endless bliss, we must carry these things with us until we are home.
“Every dreamer knows that it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you’ve never been to, perhaps more homesick than for familiar ground.”
It’s almost been two months since I embarked on this trip, which for now I will call it a once-in-a-lifetime journey. It is crazy to even think about where the planning began and the amount of differing anxiety each of us felt beforehand. This is always a desire of mine: to escape the city and discover new views. To breathe in new air. To gain a new perspective. To fix my eyes on the world and the unknown that God had meant to be unfathomable.
Iceland has been one of those places. Situated in the Atlantic Ocean, not too far from Greenalnd, the island is undoubtedly one of the most subtly stunning countries out there. And even though the weather is quite harsh and unpredictable in the winter, after enough patience its beauty will show itself. In every direction I turned, every single view was absolutely breathtaking; as every single worry, every single pain dissipated into the cold foreign air.
All I could really think was, “This right here He created for me to see.” And that was enough, at that moment. To take in, to experience, and to appreciate God’s unquestionable existence.
I yearned for this escape. To see what was possible in order to force myself out a state of feeling broken. To see how much God is really trying to look out for me. And going to Iceland was a big part of that. In all that is beautiful and pure and untouched, in admiration of Him, I stood there as a man full of flaws, and yet He wants me; I needed to fully understand that in Him making me human was for me to have a relationship with Him.
All I needed to do was to give in and give up any inhibitions I had. I needed to want Him. After going through some of the hardest and most unexpected things, it took me a while, not necessarily to realize, but to come to the conclusion that maybe it is time to become, at most, vulnerable. To decide that maybe this emptiness and the confusing heaviness that comes with it can disappear if I just I let it.
My time in Iceland was an opportunity to reflect on and to make sense of the past year, as well as to escape the burden I felt being in Boston. Iceland is kind of how I imagine heaven to be: breathtaking. It was a place without fear, without worry, and without pain. It is full of dreams, full of hope, and full of endless possibilities.
On our second night, at Grundarfjörður, we decided that we should spend time together to pray to God even if that meant walking around in the dark against the harshest and coldest winds; and some nights we did, but that was part of the Icelandic experience and part of what it means to call out to God. No matter how inconvenient it may seem or no matter how you feel, God exists any where and any time.
One of the greatest things I had to learn, and am still learning, is contentment. We wake up most mornings, staring up at our empty blank ceilings; and for most of us, that is where we feel like we are at: still and unchanging. Some days we hope for more and some days we make up for ourselves these unnerving regrets. And that is where we sort of fail ourselves. But we have to figure out if we can handle having to hope and having to cling on to regrets because sometimes that is the only way we learn and the only way we can instill in our lives a plan for change. But if we're hung up on the past then we're stuck. There is no plan for change.
“The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun...”
“...If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”
Many tears and many prayers were spent figuring out if I was okay with where I was at. And there is no doubt more tears and more prayers will be spent figuring out where I need to be.
Those seven days have been the most fun, the most inspiring, and the coldest days and I couldn't have better spent them with three other friends than the most fun, the most inspiring, and the coolest guys. I do not doubt that the brotherhood that was formed have permanently marked our lives with memories that will last to the time we are all home.
I just want to say that I wouldn’t be as content as I was if it wasn't for these guys. They challenge me and push me to be better. They force me to grow. They inspire me to love Him each and every day despite how I feel and where I am in life.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
